So my home state of Iowa just legalized gay marriage.  Alert the media.  That’s huge news.  Iowa now ranks right up there with Massachusetts and Connecticut.  And Vermont just folded like a cheap card table too – probably because it was tired of having Iowa whoop its less progressive ass.  

Growing up in Iowa, I never realized I lived in such a liberal state.  Iowans, by and large, are a thoughtful, considerate bunch.  And while they do care if their crops do well, they could not possibly give a hill of beans about who’s marrying who.  Although that still doesn’t explain why I grew up a freakin’ bleeding heart Democrat – despite my oh-so Republican parents.   Must be something in the water.  Or the corn. 

I have never understood why so many people find gay marriage a personal affront to all that is sanctimonious and sacred in the world.  And people against gay marriage aren’t just semi-opposed or wishy-washy … they are voraciously, violently, vehemently opposed.  Believe me.  It’s ugly. 

I posted something innocuous on my Facebook page recently about how tickled I was that Iowa just legalized gay marriage.  I got several “Go Iowa!” responses that made me proud.  But the weird part – I got just as many “I AM ASHAMED TO BE AN IOWAN!” responses.  And those comments came from my close friends and a few relatives. 

That really threw me for a loop.  I had no idea some of my friends felt this way.  Talk about an eye-opener.  I feel like everyone is entitled to their own opinion … Lord knows I have mine.  And if you want to spew vile and hatred and general ugliness my way – again, feel free.  It opens dialogue and lines of communication.  I don’t make the rules, people – I just help bend them all I can. 

If Des Moines can go gay … I fully predict Poughkeepsie, Dayton and Joplin can follow suit.  Kansas, the state I currently live in, will NEVER go gay.  Heck, they didn’t even sell alcohol on Sunday until last year – and even THAT was a stretch.  Lord. 

So here’s to you Iowa and all your delicious liberalness.  Kudos and congratulations for being my home state.  You make me proud.  Now excuse me, while I go off to get an abortion – simply because I can.

I have worked part-time at JCrew for nearly ten years.  It’s riveting.  And by riveting I mean, thank GOD I don’t work there 40 hours a week.  When I started, I didn’t know the first thing about retail.  I was a chronic shopper, but knew nothing about displays or presentation.  Ten years later, I still don’t.  But I can sell anything to anyone no matter the cost or the fit.  My manager says I could sell glasses to a blind person.  

When I started, the management team tried to have me hock women’s clothes.  That failed miserably because women would say things like, “Does this make me look fat?”  And I’d say, “No, your fat makes you look fat.”  So I was quickly shuffled back to men’s apparel where I’ve been a fashionista ever since. 

I am a firm believer in JCrew’s product line.  I think we’ve got some killer clothes.  We’ve gone a bit more upscale in the last three years … and it shows.  A long time ago, I made a pact to myself that I would someday work for JCrew because I believe in the company’s mantra and commitment to quality.  Well, that and the unbelievably healthy associate discount.  Duh.

JCrew is very patient with me.  I can’t fold things to save my life.  I’m even worse at putting things back where they belong.  I’m not allowed to use the register because I usually screw up transactions.  And I can typically only work for a few hours on the weekend during every other vernal equinox.  But for some reason they keep me around.  (Probably because I can sell ice to Eskimos.)

Since First Lady Michelle Obama has started sporting our clothing line, our sales have gone through the roof.  Foot traffic in the store has practically doubled.  The website frequently goes down.  And everything Michelle touches instantly sells out.  Someone desperately needs to get that woman to tell us what she’s going to wear BEFORE she wears it.  Then we can brace for the Obama Effect.  It’s an onslaught of cougars who want to be a la’ mode. 

For awhile my JCrew stock was riding a wave of success.  The company was doing gangbusters after going public.  Then when the recession hit, my stock plummeted.  It’s slowly but surely inching its way back up … and we all have Michelle Obama to thank. 

Scroll through any picture on this website and you’ll see me wearing something of JCrew’s.  I’d like to think I’m the poster child for our menswear.  Or, at least, our line of trendy argyle apparel.  If given the opportunity, I would wear argyle every single day.  Oh wait, I already do.