During my weekend writing expedition, I learned how to choose the absolute best word possible to convey my point.  I also learned I use far, FAR too many adverbs.  One of the seminar leaders smacked me upside the back of the head when I wrote, “He walked quickly across the room.”  She barked, “NEVER USE ADVERBS!” in a tone that was reminiscent of my Jewish mother – if my mom were, indeed, Jewish.

“QUICKLY?!  Who writes like that?  I can think of over 100 words to replace ‘quickly’.  How about ‘minced’ or ‘scooted’ or ‘ran willy-nilly’?”

I finally settled on “He skittered across the room.”  The seminar leader appeared to be appeased, but it may have been a ruse.

I’m desperately trying to write this blog without the use of adverbs.  (Ignore the aforementioned desperately, please.)  It’s difficult.  I use adverbs as a crutch.  Sort of like when Monica Seles would hit tennis balls and use that high-pitched hyena scream.  It wasn’t necessary, but she’d do it anyway.

The writing class was about finding – nay, searching for – the perfect word.  Words like “collide” or “persnickety” don’t just happen, you have to go looking for them.  She took a random poll to find out what some of our favorite words were.  I told her the term I love the most … the one that fell out of the sky and into my lap years ago … is “riveting”.  I use it almost every day … for both powers of good and evil.  If Paris Hilton overuses, “That’s hot”, then my mantra is “How riveting!”

From now on, I’m going to strive to pick better words.  I will be methodic and careful in my choices.  After all, words are just the alphabet put in purposeful order.  Reading back over some of my previous posts, I can see where I went wrong.  Those blogs seem so bor … er, mundane.  So trite.  Dare I say, “non-riveting”?

Clearly, this class helped break me of some bad habits.

Crap.

I’m partial to Southwest Airlines.  If given the opportunity, I’ll fly them over nearly any other carrier.  Frankly, I like their laissez-faire attitude and their employees’ absurd sense of humor.  I don’t consider myself an informed consumer … I consider myself an aficianado of fun.

Once after a particularly heinous, bumpy landing, the goofy flight attendant came on and thanked “Captain Kangaroo” for getting us to the gate safely.  This is my kind of airline.

This year I flew on Valentine’s Day.  The crew had a contest for all the passengers about who could come up with the best new advertising slogan for Southwest.  Keep in mind … Southwest’s logo features a heart and the word L-U-V as part of their company mantra.

I hurled my ginger ale to the floor and quickly scribbled three things down … and ended up winning 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd place.

My first slogan:  “Coffee, Tea or me?”

My second slogan:  “Nice cockpit!”

And the winning slogan … the one that won the Big Kahuna and a several books of free drink coupons … “Let’s have an air-gasm”.

I typically don’t drink on my flights because I’m busy writing.  Or sleeping.  Or sleepwriting.  So if you see me on some Southwest flight – ask me to buy you a drink, sailor.  Lord knows I have enough drink coupons to get the entire plane lit like a Xmas tree.