There’s a reporter at CBS who I cherish.  His name is Steve Hartman and he does quirky, upbeat, slice-of-life feature stories on, well, anyone.  See, he’s got this great shtick where he throws a dart on a map of the United States.  He then traipses to that town (no matter how big or small), grabs a phone book and blindly picks a name at random.  He proceeds to call said person – hoping they’ll tell their “story”.  That, my friends, is the brilliance behind his “Everybody Has a Story” segment.

From Hawaii to Alaska, he’s done over 100 “Story” vignettes over the years.  When I worked for CBS, Hartman’s work was must-see viewing for me.  Somehow Steve always managed to eke out these fascinating stories from Joe and JoAnn Public.  I vowed after watching him I was going to make a friend wherever I went.  If Steve could do it, so could I. 

For some inexplicable reason, people will divulge just about anything to me.  I’ve had this problem my entire life.  And every lurid tale always starts with the obligatory, “I can’t BELIEVE I’m telling you this …” or “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but …” 

I’d be an award-winning journalist (or tabloid hack) if I just had a cameraman in tow with me 24/7. 

Hartman’s feature stories are legendary … exquisitely written and often painfully profound.  He manages to let his stories breathe – a rare occurrence in the ADD world of cable news.  His stories are touching tributes to his subjects … some not even human.  Take for instance the piece that featured two best friends … a stray dog and an elderly elephant.  It’s a video that’s gone viral.  And it’s a video that doesn’t just yank at your heartstrings … it goes RIGHT for the jugular. 

When I grow up, I wanna be Steve Hartman.  Oops, seems I already am … oh, the stories I could tell if I wanted.  Must be my inquisitive nature … or that I seem to care – both of which have served me well.

Sitting down?  I’ve never seen “The Wizard Of Oz”.  It’s true.  AND I live in Kansas.  That’s sacrilegious or something, yes?  Like a cop never eating a donut.  Or Paris Hilton being famous for something other than being famous. 

Growing up, I had every opportunity to watch the movie.  It was on TV once or twice a year and was considered “event-viewing”.  I was probably too busy collecting Smurf glasses to care. 

Because I was a pop-culture savant, I knew all the catchy catch-phrases of the movie.  Lines such as … “I’ll get you, my pretty!  And your little dog too!” 

The weird thing?  I distinctly remember going to see “The Wiz” several times in the theaters when it came out in 1978.  In Des Moines.  Iowa.  I was the only kid in the joint … let alone the only 8-year old white kid.   I think my cousins probably wanted to see it and somehow cajoled my parents in to thinking it was a feel-good family film.   Looking back, it would have been a great film to watch stoned out of my mind.   Maybe I’ll try that.

A lot of people are in complete shock and disbelief when I tell them I’ve never seen the original 1939 film.  They look at me with disdain … like I refused to say The Pledge of Allegiance growing up.  Or that I somehow supported the Ayatollah during puberty.

Last year when I went to go see the musical “Wicked” with my friend Mithra … she explained the plotline to me like I was a complete moron.  I should have recorded what she said and turned it in to “Oz For Dummies”.  I would have made a fortune.  I said, “I know what the ‘The Wizard of Oz’ is about, Mithra!  Good witch, bad witch, Toto, blah, blah, munchkins,  blah.”  She rolled her eyes.  And then I looked at her and said (in my painfully bad Indian accent), “We’re not in Kansas anymore, bitches.”  (That’s mainly because we just crossed the border in to Missouri.)

Frankly, I could not possibly care less about seeing the film.  It’s now the principle of the thing.  My friend KD-Bon went out of her way to buy me the Collector’s Edition DVD.  It sits under my TV collecting dust – still in its protective shrink-wrapped wrapper.