N.E.C.

I spend a majority of my day making a ridiculous amount of eye contact with a ridiculous amount of people.  Whether I’m interviewing someone for a TV commercial or teaching an exercise class for 50+ people, I’m often eyeball to eyeball with them.  You can tell a lot about someone by the way they look at you.  Or don’t.

I have a co-worker who simply refuses to look me (or anyone else for that matter) in the eye.  He would much rather go out of his way to acknowledge the wall or the floor than lock pupils with you.  It’s awkward to say the least.   And there’s nothing I hate more than awkwardness.  Two can play at that game.  I now go out of my way to say “HELLO!” as loud as humanly possible.  I’ll occasionally stand directly in front of him and do a little dance, twirl or pirouette.  If things don’t improve, I may fling myself on the ground in a faux-epileptic grand mal seizure.  (Knowing him, he’ll suddenly look away, but still manage to step over me.)

There is only one person on this earth I ever refused to look in the eye.  He’s an ex-boss whose only claim to fame was taking credit for everyone else’s handiwork.  And that was his best quality.  I could easily look right through him.  Or stare directly at his poorly engineered hair plugs instead.  Barbie, circa 1974, had better grafts.  I found such an extreme sense of satisfaction and personal gratification in ignoring him; I don’t think it can ever be surpassed.

I used to work at a delightful little TV station in Des Moines.  Every year, the Iowa State Fair would roll around.  For 10 blissful days, it was a chance to be outside and hobnob with the station’s adoring public.  One problem … the news anchors and reporters HATED hobbing and/or nobbing.  They would sign autographs only if I held a gun to their head.  They’d talk to the viewers through clenched teeth.  And if, God forbid, someone randomly walked up to them and said, “Hey, aren’t you …?” they’d run away screaming.   They even devised a code word for me so they’d have ample time to grab their cell phone and pretend like they were on the receiving end of a very important phone call.  The code word?  “N.E.C!” – which stood for “no eye contact.”  N.E.C. is not an easy thing to slip in to conversation, mind you.  Farfegnugen would be more subtle.  I’d quickly scramble to tell people they were talking about the “National Education Council” or “Nebraska Employment Conference”.  I doubt anyone bought it.  (I should have told them it stood for “never-ever coddle”.)

Years from now when I’m long gone, people will say that I had a semi-firm handshake and always looked people in the eye.   Or, at least, died trying.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 18th, 2010 at 8:20 am and is filed under M2's World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.