I’m a firm believer in never saying “no” when people ask you to attempt new things. “No” limits your ability to have fun, experience an adventure and – in essence – live life to the fullest. Tina Fey put it best when she said, “Start with a YES and see where that takes you.”
That being said … I should have emphatically said “OH, HELL NO!” when my bestie Dre tried to drag me to the Stockton Asparagus Festival over the weekend. At the time it sounded like a perfectly respectable afternoon of seeing and being seen.
A couple things to note … 1) this festival has died a couple painful deaths only to be unduly resurrected and 2) if you’re trying to picture a monolithic stalk of asparagus rising Phoenix-style from the ashes – well, you’re nuts.
When we arrived yesterday at 1:55pm – the line to get in was a half a mile long. The doors were supposed to open at 2pm, mind you – yet there wasn’t anyone up front to sell tickets/wristbands/secret decoder rings to get you in the gates.
Chaos and asparagus … an unlikely duo. Who knew?
Once inside, I desperately tried to get my bearings and meander my way around. Several worker-bees told me go to Asparagus Alley – as that’s where most of the activity would be happening. Turns out they were wrong. The only thing I found were sad, lonely food vendors holding court. I tried to purchase an old-timey Sarsaparilla only to find out it was $17. No, I’m not kidding. Yes, I’m for realz. And the gal at the sarsaparilla booth didn’t seem to appreciate my comment, “Is this carbonated product spun with gold?”
After the disappointment of Asparagus Alley, I wandered around some more – hoping to find a more upscale Lima Bean Lane or Cantaloupe Court. Alas – it wasn’t meant to be.
I’m sure, like any festival, there were probably rides, shows and attractions that catered to Stockton-ites. Before I left, the only exciting thing I could find were eleven different places selling beef jerky. And when I did finally find a place selling something called Asparagus Lumpia … I was put off by the weird name.
One good thing that came out of yesterday? This blog. I guess not saying no does have its advantages – along with some funky smelling pee.
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