Lately, I’ve been chuckling to myself about the absurdity of last weekend. Mainly because the whole “mini-stroke” experience was pretty surreal. Did I ever step outside my body? No. Did I hear every single crazy thing said to me over 24 hours? Yes. Here are some of the more memorable quotes (including my own):
“Does he always talk this slow?” — Nurse Practitioner #1. “Oh no, he usually never shuts up.” — My friend Jill responding to the $20 million dollar question.
“How much is all this going to cost?”, Me “A lot. I mean, uh, erm … you can’t put a price on your health, son. You’ll be fine.”, E.R. Doc.
“Yeah, yeah …. that’s great … now put Jill on the phone!”, My mom wouldn’t believe anything I told her, so she had to hear it from my friend Jill who repeated word-for-word what I just said … in a calm, soothing voice.
“WTF?!?!”, the first text I got post-stroke. My friend Cliff wanted to cut directly to the chase. I wish more people would have followed his lead.
“If you die, I will KILL you!”, at least three of my friends said the same thing. And they are my more compassionate friends.
“Kati, stop crying! I’m shopping for wine at Trader Joe’s! How bad can it be? I’ll be fine, for Chrissake!”, Me mere moments after being released from the hospital. My friend Kati called and was quite upset. Hopefully, I put her at ease by yelling at her.
“Good Die Young, Divinyls”, The first song that popped up on shuffle when I turned my iPod back on. Amazing song. Go download it. I get goose bumps just from thinking about it.
“Now you can look like shit like the rest of us.”, My friend Tamie after I told her I couldn’t get Botox any more.
“I POOPED!”, Me. I actually announced this to Jill on Sunday morning. She seemed a little ambivalent about the whole thing. But I was thrilled. I mean, it had been four days.
“Smile! Stick our your tongue!”, Every doctor, nurse, nurse’s aid, nurse practitioner, medical assistant, pharmacist, custodian and technician. Seems if I couldn’t do either it meant my stroke was getting worse.
“Mr. Mackie … people have strokes all the time. I mean, granted not 40-year old white males with no symptoms or immediate family history. But you’ll be fine.” — another ER doctor.
Michael, I’m so pleased that Jill was there to help you with this frightening emergency. Did she tell you she had taken her sister to the hospital the weekend before in Boston. Anne could probably add some quotes to your list.
You have a wonderful sense of humor, and I love reading your comments.
Shut up. I’m still crying. I can’t imagine a world without your snarkiness in it!