The thing about being a reporter on the red carpet is that you have absolutely no control over anything … including what comes out of your own mouth.  Yours truly had done my research, done my homework and I was fully prepared for any possible A-list celebrity scenario.

I was not, however, ready for “Glee’s” Mike O’Malley.

I pictured O’Malley, who plays Kurt’s dad on the show, as this affable sitcom guy who’s probably got a quippy comeback for everything.  Instead I got a guy who questioned my questions and at one point snapped at me for allegedly not watching his show.  It all started when I asked him if he and co-star Chris Colfer were tight off-screen.  Did they still have that father/son camaraderie?  Apparently, I hit a nerve, because the answer was a resounding no.  (Duly noted.)  The next question I poised revolved around O’Malley’s headgear.  I asked if it was sort of his trademark and that I couldn’t remember seeing his bald head recently.  O’Malley then launched in to a tirade about how he rarely wears hats and how I clearly don’t watch the show and on and on and on.

I was chagrined.  And a little disenchanted.  “Oh, now you’re mad?” O’Malley baited me.  I just kept smiling.  A random poll of other reporters said he was all over the board, so I felt better knowing it wasn’t just me.

Craig Robinson from “The Office” on the other hand was goofy and playful and got my jokes right off the bat.  Since I watch the show religiously (uh, not unlike “Glee”), I felt comfortable.  “Who dressed you?” I asked.  “And you had better say, ‘A gay.'”  He laughed, “I dressed myself.  Do I look okay?  Wait, am I gay?”  That even got a laugh from the nearby publicist.

I get a little fuzzy after that.  It was a complete whirlwind of commotion on the red, er, blue carpet.  Chaz Bono scooted by.  There were drag queens, fashion designers, drag queens who WERE fashion designers and more reality TV stars than you could shake a stick at.  Look!  There’s one of those Real Housewives carrying her dog.  The impossibly good looking Robert Gant even came back and gave me a Q&A after I made nicey-nice with his publicist.

And, zing, there went the cast of “Modern Family.”  (Save for the adorable youngest daughter who, for some reason, stopped to chat me up.  Ariel Winter just turned 13 and wanted me to know that was know, indeed, a teenager.)

When you’re smooshed right up against multiple other journalists, it’s easy to get to get to know them.  For the most part they’re a likeable lot, but God help the person who gets in the way of an oncoming celebrity.  I’ve never thought of a microphone as a weapon, but I guess it would be fair game if you were in a bind.

Even though you’re one foot away from the celebs, it might as well be ¾ of a mile.   That damn velvet rope is just high enough that you can’t hurdle it and just low enough that you can’t limbo underneath it.  Even if you WANTED to get closer to the celebs, it would be impossible unless you were double jointed.  And you’d have to have cat-like reflexes as well, as security is standing by every few feet or so.

The last celebs to arrive on the red carpet were Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott.  Tori basked in the glow of the paparazzi and Dean’s hair was so spiky it, too, could have been used as a weapon.  You could tell all eyes were on them.  By the time they got to me, the publicist said, “You can all ask ONE question.  ONE!”  I ignored her and did my thing.  And Tori quickly warmed up and it was ON after that.  I asked, because my friend Deirdre wanted to know — if it was difficult to glam up with three toddlers (four if you count Dean) running around.   She laughed and admitted that was occasionally the case.  She was probably the best interview of the night and took great care to ensure the reporters were happy before she moved on.  By the end, I thought her publicist was going to have an embolism.  I almost wish she would have … then I could have kept talking to Tori for a couple more minutes.

The show started shortly after that, followed by the after party, which was KILLER!  More on that in Part III.  Stay tuned.