Many years ago someone gave me a delightful card that said — “It’s your birthday!! Go crazy!!” — on the front. When I opened it, it read “Take TWO naps!!” My friend, who knows my penchant for midday slumber, was quite pleased with herself.  “I found you the perfect card, yes?” she announced. “In fact, I’m surprised you’re not asleep right now.” Not only was she absolutely right, she was also cutting in to my precious ritual of laying down during the weekend for some serious shut-eye.  Who shows up unannounced on a Sunday afternoon around 3pm?  That’s prime time for someone who needs to decompress.

I’ll admit — I am a notorious napper.  I’ll nap anywhere, anyplace for any length of time.  I can’t tell you the last movie I’ve seen all the way through without at least a five-minute snoozefest somewhere in the middle of the film. (Hell, I slept the entire way through “Wall-E”. Have no idea what it was about. Seriously.)  I’ve fallen asleep during a boring conference call, at a major sporting event and every single flight I’ve been on in the last five years.

Before you ask if I have narcolepsy, the answer is no. I’m well aware of when I need to be fully alert and present.  (e.g. when live on the air or operating heavy machinery … uh, or both.)  But if given an opportunity, any opportunity, I’ll take a mini-siesta to recharge my batteries.

People who say, “I can’t nap” are poor, unfortunate, overachieving souls in my book. Just yesterday I crashed on the couch for an hour in front of the fireplace. It was bliss. There was drool. There was smooth jazz coming out of the speakers. And I woke up ready to tackle the world all over again. Plus, I went to bed at a respectable 10pm and fell asleep immediately. Lucky me, I know.

Naps are like crack to me, er, minus the intense burst of drug-induced energy.  If I’m a passenger in any vehicle, I’ll snooze.  If I’m having a massage, I’ll practically be in R.E.M. in the waiting room. One time I even considered leaving a cocktail party briefly because the lawn chairs looked so inviting. Happens.

My biological clock wakes me up every morning at 5:30am, regardless of how little sleep I’ve had, so sometimes it’s mandatory to get more ZZZzzzz.  And occasionally naps are a convenient little way to simply shut out the world for 10-15 minutes.  Sure, you can call me lazy, I don’t care.  Just don’t call me in the middle of any weekend afternoon, as I’ll probably be nodding off.

I’m sure I could expound about the virtues of naps for days, but all this writing has made me want to lay down and become one with the love seat.  It’s ridiculously uncomfortable, but there’s a luxurious, chenille blanket nearby.

I know you feel my pain. ‘Night.