There are parties.  There are shindigs.  There are throw-downs.  And then there’s Bloom.

Every year this annual wingding to benefit the KC Free Health Clinic gets crazier, more ambitious and more pretentious.  Or so I’ve heard.  In the ten years I’ve lived in Kansas City, I haven’t gone once.   Either I haven’t been invited or I haven’t felt A-list enough to hobnob with KC’s finest.

This year, however, all bets were off.  Not only did I go to Bloom … I hosted the freaking event.  And, lemme tell you, it was phenomenal.  I went from Z-list to A+-list.  This year’s theme was “Bloom is Studio 54” … mind you, not circa 1977, but a modern, updated 2010 version.  There were red velvet ropes.  And behind those were more velvet ropes.  Each roped off area was more exclusive, more trendy and more claustrophobic.   Since I had an all-access pass, I was able to easily scoot between the party and the VIP areas, some of which were the size of a broom closet.  (Those, of course, were the most elite.  Tiny space + private bar service + crush of celebrities = standing room only.)

Halls was the sponsor of the party and since I’m their alleged spokesperson, I was asked to host the Ask-A-Fund segment where my goal was to raise $20,000 in two minutes.  (No pressure, right?)  I exceeded my own personal best and raised $21,000, but only because I smashed a beer bottle and threatened to cut people.

Knowing full well this was an upper echelon crowd, I dressed to kill.  Or rather, Halls dressed me to kill.  (Jagged beer bottle notwithstanding.)   I got more compliments than I ever have in my entire life.  Mainly because I was draped in a gorgeous new Armani suit, which was way, EPICALLY, out of my price range.  Halls took one for the team and let me buy it at a greatly reduced rate.  I’ve discovered rich people notice and appreciate haute couture.

It’s a wonder my head could fit through the door by the end of the night.  I will be married and/or buried in that suit.

The party was a smashing success.  Alcohol flowed freely.  Acrobatic dancers flew high above the crowd for most of the evening.  The DJ had such a crush of people on his dance floor it was like a flash mob.  And it was all for a good cause.

Can’t wait to do it again next year … provided I’m still considered part of the cool crowd.