I missed most of the ‘70’s.  Not because I was in a Halcyon daze or anything, but because I was busy being an enfant terrible.  It wasn’t until the ‘80s that I came in to my own and discovered trends and style.  (If you consider acid wash jeans and Flock of Seagulls’ hair-do to be stylish.)

Over the weekend, I had to don a leisure suit in a veiled attempt to mock the madness that was Studio 54.  Every year in KC, there’s a HUGE spring party called “Bloom”.  It’s the kind of party you can’t miss, the one where you want to attend to see and be seen.  (Uh, I haven’t been invited once … but things this year are looking up.)

Bloom has a different theme every year.  It’s an enormous undertaking, but they always manage to pull it off quite nicely.   This year’s theme … like I said … “Studio 54 … Circa 2010”.  To promote the fact it’s NOT set in 1977, I had to dress retro and “transform” into a $1,500 Armani suit for an upcoming viral video.  (I know … a cross to bear.)

For the record, polyester is RIDICULOUSLY unforgiving.  I had to squeeze my ass into several pairs of tuxedo pants before I found one with ample fabric.  Every time I’d walk out of the dressing room, the costumers would cover their eyes in horror.  Eventually, we settled on a tacky pair of maroon pants that had just enough GIVE to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.  Throw in a wide-collared shirt and oversized cream-colored, satin sport coat and I was good to go.

Good to go where, you ask?  Out traipsing around Kansas City’s famed Plaza area on the single coldest day of the year.  Between windburn, frostbite and still-hard nipples, I somehow managed to remember my lines.  Barely.

We’ll see if my stint in tacky ‘70’s wear (and unrelenting social media) motivates more people to attend the party.  My fingers are crossed.  I hope it’s a phenomenal turnout!  Of course, I won’t see 2/3’s of the people … because I’ll be so VVVVIP, they’ll have to pay ME to get in.

Well, sounds good in theory anyway.