I have taught fitness classes for the last two hundred years.  I am constantly amazed and/or appalled at some of the conversations I hear/overhear in class.  Most of the comments are directed at me … others I just catch in passing.  All of ‘em are just weird.  Here are just a few:

“I don’t want to lift too much weight.  Don’t want to get bulky, you know.”  (This has been said to me at least a half dozen times over the years, usually from wildly overweight women or pencil-thin, anemic, waifish models.  Fit people never say this.)

“You’re way (better, worse, harder, easier, stronger, weaker, funnier, tougher, blonder, meaner, goofier) than INSTRUCTOR X.”  (I could not possibly care less what other instructors are doing.  It’s not a competition between them and me.  It’s a competition between you and me, one where I constantly kick your butt.)

“Why is the gym so busy?!” (I hear this from January 1-Valentine’s Day.  Well, shocker … people indulged over the holidays, so they are on a mission to lose weight.  It’s the same reason why you’re here — bless your heart.)

“Are you single?  Because I have someone I’d like to set you up with.”  (I always nip this one in the bud because you never know where this could end up.  I usually respond, “Why? Are they stupid?  I typically gravitate towards really dumb people.  The dumber, the better.”)

“Sorry I haven’t been in class lately.” (Me too. But welcome back.  And please just leave it at that.  I do not need to know that you’ve had a scorching yeast infection the last three weeks that took you out of commission.  True story.)

“Someone took my SPOT!” (This is usually said to me in an exasperated tone about thirty seconds before class starts.  This is where gym police would come in handy.  They could come and rough up riff-raff.  Instead of a Billy club, the cops could use light dumbbells. There would likely be cheering. Or a lynching. Or both.)

“That is such a good color on you!  Who knew you could wear that with your ruddy complexion?” (Backhanded compliments fly fast and furious at the gym, especially with the 30-something and 40-something mommies.  Try and keep up or get swallowed alive.)

Next time you’re in the gym, be kind to your fellow brethren.  Think before you speak.  Or just work a little harder.  If you’re winded and out of breath, you’ll be less likely to say something mindless.  Or offensive.  Or needy.  Or … oh, you get the idea.