As a foodie, I do enjoy going out to restaurants while across the pond.  If there’s one thing I’ve noticed over here in Europe … service sucks.  When I was a waiter, I would wipe someone’s ass if it meant a healthy gratuity.  In England especially, the servers could not possibly care less whether they wait on you in a timely manner.   That’s probably because tipping in the U.K. is a joke. 

Once they realize I’m American, they become only slightly more engaged.  (And by engaged I mean less irritated.)  92% of Brits eat at their local pubs.  In the little village I’m staying in there are at least four pubs within walking distance.  You’d think the servers would be chomping at the bit with all the competition out there.  Nope.  Not so much. 

I’m ridiculously polite to all the waiters and waitresses.  It’s habit.  I feel their pain.  But their ambivalence annoys me to no end.   And once they take your order, you never see them again.  Ever.  I think they quit, or are deported.  Or maybe they only have enough patience to wait on one table per night. 

Germany is a wee-bit more civilized.  The waiters are flirty, fast and friendly.  And, they understand the concept of the almighty upsell.  Our waiter at the private, posh SoHo House in Berlin stopped back every ten minutes like clockwork to see if we needed another round of cocktails.  Inevitably one of us did.  At the end of the evening, he even brought us a 4^th (yes, 4^th) round of espresso martinis on the house.  Not only was I wasted by this point, I was talking so fast I thought I was now fluent in German.

Europeans enjoy going out to eat as much as Americans.  The only difference?  Europeans are slim and trim whereas we could easily block out the sun.  I need to move here.  Pronto!