So I just spent three 10-hour days seeing everything that South Dakota has to offer.  And it’s taken all thirty hours to see it … in its entirety.  If you’ve never done the BBHMR (Badlands, Black Hills, Mt. Rushmore) trek, you must put it on your mandatory Americana to-do list.

The weekend was not without its weirdness … some of which I’ll share with you in lieu of a detailed tourist play-by-play.

1) What the hell? There are Indians … EVERYWHERE.  And I’m not talking Native Americans, people.  Besides the masses of wandering white folk, you will also find a wide menagerie of Indians in their festive sarees and kurtas traipsing through the national parks.  Who knew?  One quick phone call to my Indian friend Mithra confirmed this.  She said, “Indians make the most of any three-day weekend.   And they LIVE for tourist crap.”  Duly noted.  You’d think there would be more Indian restaurants in Rapid City, South Dakota.  And by more … I mean, ANY.

2) Prepare to do a God-awful lot of driving.  There is no easy way to get to any point in South Dakota’s sprawling landscape … other than by car.  Or perhaps horseback if this were, say, 1885.  And if you’re trying to get from Point A to Point B … it will always take about six hours, give or take.  Plus, there’s a lot of winding roads through winding hills that wind you up and down through various elevations.  Bring your Dramamine or Percocet — so you can, uh, unwind.

3) Dysfunctional families are universal.  I saw more than my share of foreign parents trying to get their bratty children to pose happily for pictures.  The kids looked like they’d rather be anywhere else … and so did the parents for that matter.  And it’s always fun to listen to families argue in a foreign language.  Next time … try Disney World.  Seriously.

4) Get up early.  Or else.  Remember that motto the U.S. Army uses?  “We do more before 9am than most people do all day.”  Let that tagline be your personal compass.  By 12pm, any touristy place is teaming with inane people slogging through lines, clogging up roadways and getting in your way.  You should be done with all sightseeing by 1pm at the latest and on your way to hike a mountain or walk around a lake in quiet reflective solitude.  May I suggest Devil’s Tower (yes, in Wyoming) or Sylvan Lake (off the beaten path and well worth it)?

5) Bring your camera … but use it judiciously.  Tourists in South Dakota will stop to take a picture of just about anything and after awhile it gets downright annoying.  Narrow one-car bridge?  (Click.)  A decrepit wild burro eating grass near the park entrance?  (Click.)  A rock formation that resembles a rock formation?  (Click.)  Take the obligatory family photos and move on, people.  No one cares that you can sort of see Kenny Rogers’ appearance in that tree bark.

So there’s my word to the wise about South Dakota.  Appreciate nature when you can.  And avoid tourist traps when warranted.  More coming up on that in my next blog.