New Orleans is a town that’s got an immense amount of history.  It’s like traveling back in time.  Good thing too … I think I aged about four years in two days from overindulgence.  Call me an uninformed consumer, but I had no idea you could travel from bar to bar in The French Quarter with multiple drinks in your hands.  And the drinks come in three sizes:  jumbo, big ass and vat.

Since I was immersing myself in the entire N’awlins experience, I had my first Hurricane at Pat O’Brien’s … a legendary bar that’s smack dab in the middle of Bourbon Street.  A Hurricane is made up of fruit punch and butane.  And because they’re so monstrous, I was feeling no pain after my first full drink.

To play Joe Tourist effectively and efficiently, you have to have a game plan.  So while we could have had a Po’Boy Sandwich anywhere, we all waited to try Parkway Bakery and Tavern, a famous Bayou-themed eatery.  (It’s revered on the Food Network.)  When we got there, the line was lengthy, but by the time we left it was wrapped around the block.  Always a good sign.  My Po’Boy sandwich was a very odd mixture of roast beef, fried shrimp, cole slaw and gravy all heaped in to a crunch, crispy half loaf of French bread.  When it arrived at the table, I just stared at it in disbelief.  I asked the server if they had a portable defibrillator handy … just in case.  She just looked blankly at me and suggested the homemade bread pudding.

SOLD!

There are so many things to see and do in New Orleans it’s impossible to attempt 3% of them on a good day.  We did manage to hustle down to Café Du Monde … another staple of tourists.  Café du Monde is French for world’s strongest coffee.  I liken it to drinking caffeine-laced mud.  It took a pint of cream before the coffee went from black to café’ au lait brown.  The coffee shop also serves beignets, which is French for fried balls of dough sprinkled with powdered sugar.   “Sprinkled” is code for laden, coated, covered, encrusted or otherwise completely encased in confectionaries’ crack.

I’m sure there are other things to do in New Orleans other than eat and drink.  What those are, however, I’m not quite sure.   Maybe I’ll venture out and listen to some jazz tonight.  That is once I finish slamming down several 64-ounce Cherry Bombs.