I have been besties with my friend Kiki for 20 years, give or take a month.  I think I may have had the funniest, strangest, most absurd conversation with her ever this evening.

It all started with this Facebook post:

“Elise just gave the two of us makeovers using her new Barbie Glam makeup kit. We look like drag queens (well, one drag queen and one drag princess). We are fabulous. We are lovely. We are not going out in public. We are awesome!”

I immediately replied that if there wasn’t a picture posted within the next hour, our friendship was officially over.  Unfortunately, there was some behind-the-scenes drama going on that inhibited said photograph appearing on the web.

When I called to complain about why Keek had yet to post the picture, she mentioned her daughter had the teensiest of conniption fits concerning an art project.  Turns out Elise was working on a diorama involving a pipe cleaner-inspired Rosa Parks figurine.  During the creation, Elise was apparently having trouble applying hair to Ms. Parks and lost her patience.  (I think we all know that in reality, she probably lost her shit … but this is a family blog.)

In the middle of telling the story, Kiki got the giggles trying to explain the semantics of what just happened.  “So Elise was sitting there pouting because Rosa’s hair wouldn’t attach, so she dismantled Rosa in a fit of rage.  And then sat there seething,” said her oh-so proud mother.  “Only problem, she still had the drag queen make-up on.  That, in turn, made me laugh which only infuriated her more.”

Eventually Elise’s anger turned in to a full-on meltdown which caused tears.  The crying smeared the aforementioned Barbie Glam make-up creating a sort of garish Joan (“NO … MORE … PIPE … CLEANERS!”) Crawford effect.  “She stormed off to her room, fell asleep and woke up looking like Courtney Love circa 1993,” Kiki guffawed.

By this point, Keek and I were laughing so hard, we too were both crying.  When I demanded a picture of the recently disemboweled Parks’ figurine, Keek wholeheartedly obliged.

If a picture tells a thousand words … then this crime-scene photograph will live on in infamy.  Eventually, Keek’s daughter calmed down enough to reapply her make-up and sparkle body lotion.  The always-stealthlike Kiki was quick on the draw and snapped a picture for posterity.

“My face was itching uncontrollably at this point,” Kiki admonished.  “Makes you wonder just how low-grade the Barbie Glam product line really is?!”

I’m still giggling typing this.  Oh hell, I’m wheezing with fits of unabashed laughter.  This is one of those slice-of-life stories that deserves to be blogged about … if for no other reason than to mock (and, uh, immortalize) Elise during her fundamental, crabby teenage years.