Once a month or so, I get curious about something. It’s usually something insipid and mindless. I never go out of my way to find out the answer to whatever is perplexing me, but it’s always in the back of my mind. Here now, in no official order, are eight things that make me inquisitive. But only slightly.
8) When you hit a red light, who are those weird guys who walk up and down the street and try and sell you Pixie Sticks or half-melted chocolate bars. Are they homeless? Are they salespeople? Is it for a charity? And why do they always wear stupid hats?
7) Charo is nearly 70. How does she not age? Girlfriend looks 40. And why doesn’t she go by her God-given name of MarÃa Rosario Pilar MartÃnez Molina Moquiere de les Esperades Santa Ana Romanguera y de la Najosa Rasten?
6) Why are so many weathermen gay? It’s an epidemic. Florists and hairstylists are suddenly the minority.
5) I read the number of militias in the U.S. have quadrupled in the last year. What the hell is a militia? And if you’re a whack-case nutjob with a personal vendetta against the government, how do you find your partners-in-crime? Match.com? Militias Я Us?
4) Who thought Jane Seymour should create and then hock cheap jewelry? “Keep your heart open and love will always find its way in!” Hey, Jane … your stuff sucks.
3) Am I the only person worried about a zombie apocalypse? It could happen, people.
2) Liquorice is vile. It’s derived from nature, allegedly. How did someone deduce this was a good flavor?
1) Why do the Yellow Pages still exist, especially in today’s high tech world? I use mine as a step stool to change my outdoor light bulbs. Anyone?
I’m with you 110% on the licorice thing. Luckily, they don’t seem to have it over here, evolved taste buds. Join us.
Let’s see…Weatherman = highly energetic, flamboyant personality, with a flourish for waving his hands around, must be cute (ish) and dress well. ‘Nuf said.
2 out of 3 weathermen in the Quad Cities are gay – & I’m not sure that 4 out of 5 dentists recommended it but there you have it. As Ouisa would say (Steel Magnolia reference) “I don’t know why Clarie, I don’t make the rules!”
As for licorice, sorry, LOVE it. Just never eat it because I don’t want all those Crest Whitesrtips to be in vain.
The yellow pages still occasionally get used by me when I’m to lazy to fire up my computer – a concept that I know you can’t grasp.
Now here’s one for you;
Why on earth did someone made it illegal to bitch-slap a 15 year old girl when she rolls her eyes at you & makes that annoying ‘nuuugh’sound out of her pie hole? Clearly, they’ve never spent any time with a 15 year old girl.