Welcome to North Carolina, kids. I’ve been in the Holden Beach, Supply and Varnamtown area for exactly 72 hours. While I wouldn’t call myself a local just yet, I have made a few observations.

In no particular order …

Pimento cheese isn’t a condiment. It’s a lifestyle.

They put it on burgers, sandwiches, crackers … probably windshield wipers. You could eat it by the spoonful if you were so inclined. It’s basically the peanut butter of the South, only cheesier. And neon orange.

Golf is a religion.

There are golf courses everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised if newborns receive a putter before a birth certificate.

Shrimp is consumed with alarming enthusiasm — and I’m here for it. 

Call me Bubba Gump. I’ve eaten shrimp three meals a day since I got here, and I’m not remotely tired of it.

Then I discovered the shrimp burger at a little beach shanty that looked like it had survived every hurricane since Eisenhower was president. Quite possibly the best thing I’ve eaten since birth. If you’re from coastal North Carolina, you’re probably wondering why it took me this long.

The Green Swamp Preserve has a very misleading name.

It sounds peaceful. It’s 16,000 acres filled with black bears, bobcats, deer, foxes, alligators, snakes and enough carnivorous plants to star in a low-budget horror movie.

And yes, there’s a 2.6-mile hiking trail right through it.

Hard pass. I’m vehemently against becoming part of the food chain.

Biscuitville deserves its own zip code.

Chain restaurants are surprisingly scarce around here, but Biscuitville? I’m a fan.

Allegedly, the place started life as Pizzaville, then someone wisely said, “You know what this needs? Less pizza. More biscuits.”

If you’re looking for a breakfast that offers a 4,500 calorie minimum, congrats. You’ve found it.

Everyone is a Yankee or a Midwesterner. 

If you weren’t born here, you’re a Yankee.

I don’t think it matters that I’m from Iowa and live in Kansas City. Apparently, everyone north of North Carolina gets lumped together. Fortunately, it’s usually delivered with a smile. Usually.

The Venus flytrap is basically the hometown celebrity.

The only place in the world where Venus flytraps naturally grow is within about a 75-mile radius of Wilmington. Leave it to coastal North Carolina to produce a plant that literally eats bugs.

There are more turtles than I expected.

Sea turtle nesting season is in full swing, and locals take it seriously. Beach lights are dimmed, nests are roped off and volunteers patrol the shoreline to give hatchlings their best shot at making it to the Atlantic.

After just three days, I’ve learned that life moves a little slower here. Fresh seafood beats fast food. Ferries run mostly on time. Sunsets are nightly entertainment. And nobody seems to be in much of a hurry … unless there’s a sale at the Food Lion.

Frankly, I’m starting to see the appeal.

Just don’t ask me to give up my shrimp burger.