Due to the fact I’m quick with a quip and verbally agile; I’m occasionally asked to emcee events.  Well, that and the organization is usually desperate.  I only get asked if Rip Taylor is unavailable.

Last weekend I was the Master of Ceremonies for the Heartland Men’s Chorus Dinner of Note.  It’s a big fancy, schmancy black-tie affair.  I finally broke down and bought a tux instead of spending countless $$$ renting a penguin suit every ten minutes.  Once you buy a tux, you’re officially an adult.

Typical duties of an emcee include the following:  say hello, say goodbye and deal with a whole litany of stuff that could possibly go catastrophically wrong.  I’ve done so many song and dance routines in order to kill time; you’d think I was a hack comedian.   (Hello?  Rip Taylor called … he wants his gig back.)

The last two events I’ve hosted were remarkably well organized and went off without a hitch.  You haven’t really lived until all hell breaks loose though … and you’re forced (with microphone in hand) to stop the evening from being a total bust.

Total bust = crickets chirping.  Or worse … people leaving before 10pm.

I’ve hosted my company’s holiday wingding for the last few years.  (Again … desperate.)  This is what I wait all year for … the chance to openly mock my co-workers.  Anything I say is usually fair game and won’t warrant a sexual harassment suit later.  (Half of my co-workers are so bombed they aren’t even aware I am the emcee.  Heck, they aren’t even aware where they are.)

Hosting the company party has given me license to dress up in a wild array of tacky outfits.  From ‘80’s Prom (hello, Flock of Seagulls?) to Mardi Gras (how many boas are too many boas?), I love theme parties.  Wedding receptions are another story.  If you ever see me at a wedding reception, RUN!  I’m usually three sheets to the wind and dying for a piece of cake.  I couldn’t possibly care less about the bride and/or groom.

Have I ever gotten paid to be an emcee?  No.  Have I ever gotten laid from being an emcee?  No.  But it’s still fun to roam around a party with a mic in your hand and terrorize people.  I think it was my calling.  Plus, it’s never a bad day when you get to wear a tux with a shiny, sequined vest.