It’s been thirty years, almost to the day, since Mom, Dad and I had a professional family portrait taken.  Uh, at Sears.  The last time I was sporting a Velour sweater and bad haircut.  In true ‘80’s style, my hair was more feathered than Blair’s on “Facts Of Life.”  Mom had an unfortunate sty in her eye.  And Dad had a weird smile that made him look constipated.  It wasn’t our best day.

Three decades later, I reached out to my dear photographer friend Mindy Myers to attempt round two.  I never thought Mindy would pull it off.  We had three dates on the calendar … and all three of ‘em got postponed courtesy of my mom.  Finally, I gave my folks an ultimatum.  “If you don’t commit to this upcoming weekend, I’m going to punch both of you in the throat,” I threatened.

I even went up the weekend before our big shoot to coordinate our ensembles.  Mom was easy about her apparel.  “I’m wearing this … and that’s that.  And don’t ask me to change halfway through the shoot either,” Mom barked.  When I tried to pick my dad’s outfit, my mom was instantly hypercritical.  “Your father will never wear that,” she admonished me.  “That’s an old man sweater.  And he’ll refuse to wear it.”

I paused … still holding the maroon cardigan sweater in question.  “Dad is 85 years old, for Chrissake!” I said.  “At what point does he become an old man?  Is it 90?  92?  Just let me know so I can put him in this effing sweater!”

The shoot went off without a hitch.  And that’s despite bringing along our very hyperactive dog, Weezy.  Even Weezy warmed up to the camera …  though she was clearly hopped up on puppy uppers.  (I think it’s noticeable in the pictures that the dog is clearly high as a kite.  Does anyone else see it?  Anyone?)

Mindy and I have known each other for nearly 30 years.  She always wanted to be a photographer.  I always wanted to be famous.  We make a good team.  But I’d never actually seen her in action until the day of the shoot.  She put Mom and Dad at ease instantly … something that only happens when they’re deep in R.E.M. sleep.  And she deftly moved from one shot to the other without a lot of fuss and muss.

It was the quintessential perfect fall day too … remarkable for late in the season.  Clearly, all the planets aligned that day.  And the results were spectacular.  And the best part?  Mom and Dad were so happy with the pics, they even special ordered 100 wallet-sized photos.  Now THAT’S high praise.