Two things drove me to visit Pennsylvania this week.  1) Because I needed to systematically mark “Gettysburg” off my to-do list and 2) because my dad said, “Hey, let’s go to Gettysburg.  Wanna?”

A few words of wisdom in case you’re thinking of visiting this tourist Mecca.   For one, there’s no easy way to get here.  Prepare accordingly.  You zig and zag through annoying two-lane traffic for a majority of the drive.  There are more stoplights here than anywhere else in the world.  No wonder General Lee lost.  He was overthrown at the 65-olde stop signs on his way in to town.

Second, it’s like stepping back in time, and not in a good way.  I saw more fanny packs and jorts than I ever saw at the 1994 Iowa State Fair.  According to the history books, the North won the war, but you’d never know it by the choice of apparel.

Three, there are eight billion things to do in this town.  Half are legit, fun and educational.  The other half are the tourist equivalent of sawdust …, which, as we all know, serves no real purpose.  Buyer beware.  Make sure you don’t stop at the first shoppe that says “Tourist Info”.  Go to the actual Gettysburg Tourist Center sponsored by the National Park Service.  You’ll thank me later.

Because we got there late in the day, we opted for the obligatory 2-hour bus tour of the battlefield.  It’s really the only way to get your bearings.  The tour guides know their stuff and go through rigorous training, testing and charm school before they’re hired by the Parks Commission to deal with the general public.  There are only 150 approved, uniformed guides roaming around.  You’ll note them by their badge.  They wear it with honor.

Our tour guide was insightful, chatty and engaging.  I still fell asleep within the first fifteen minutes because I got up at 3am that morning.  I’m sure there were a lot of interesting and unique highlights along the way.  Everyone else on the bus raved about him.  I generously tipped him for not chastising me since I was sitting in the front row … or waking me up along the way.

Finally, if you’re looking for off-the-beaten-path destinations, catch the ear of your tour bus driver.  Ours gave us the 411 on the single best restaurant in town, the Dobbin House.   We would have never found it on our own.  It may be one of the top five steaks I’ve eaten in my life.  Mmmm … flesh of a dead cow.

On Day 2, we hired a private guide to show us around for the day.  The best part?  I stayed awake the ENTIRE time.  More on that in my next blog.