I can talk to Styrofoam.  I can carry on a conversation with lint.  I can chat up Styrofoam covered in lint.   It’s called the gift of gab and I’ve got it.  In my arsenal, I’ve got a bag of conversation starters (and stoppers) for nearly any occasion.

Some of my favorites?  What do you want to be when you grow up?  (People have to think about that one.)  What was your very first concert?  (People suddenly want to reminisce and get nostalgic.)  Most embarrassing moment?  (A classic.)

Never stoop to asking “Cold enough out there for ya’?” or “How ‘bout them Chiefs?”.  How trite.  How contrived.  How fast do I want to walk away from you?

Science has proved there’s a lull in conversation every seven minutes.  It’s almost like clockwork.  I say screw the lull.  You can easily forge ahead and push through silence with a little pre-planning and forethought.

I’ll often ask questions of people to be polite.  Do I care how their weekend was?  No.  Am I dying to know what they’re having for lunch?  Doubtful.  But I do it because people like the chance to be heard.  It’s when I don’t talk to you that you’re doomed.  No one can make awkward silence more awkward than me.  I rock the awk.

My chiropractor Doug has found the perfect saying to use when people are prattling away.  He’ll chuckle and say, “Ohhhh, what a crazy, crazy world we live in.”  It not only affirms whatever they’re babbling about, it makes Doug appear that he cares.  Trust me, he does not.   But thanks to that one line … no one is any the wiser.

My go-to line is “Huh”.  Not “Huh?” in a questioning manner.  I use a simple, matter-of-fact, run-of-the-mill, formulaic “Huh”.  I usually say it with just the slightest bit of a head nod and slight eyebrow raise.  In my world it means, I could not be more uninterested in what is coming out of your mouth.  However, I’m going to let you think I’m following what you’re saying word-for-word.   (I used it all the time with my evil former boss.  It drove him nuts.  I never listened to any bit of dreck out of his mouth.  I was often planning my grocery list, my Tivo schedule or what I had to drop off at the dry cleaner.  But if I said, “Huh” and looked up every two or three minutes from doodling, he thought I was engaged.)

Now that you know my trade secrets, see if you can implement ‘em in your own day to day vernacular.  Only use them for powers of good, however.

If you pull a “Ohhh, what a crazy, CRAZY world we live in” on me, I’ll smack you down, but good.