Back in the ‘90’s, it was all the rage to “get your colors done”.  Simply put, you’d pay a haughty person to tell you what colors you look best in and which ones you should NOT wear.  I guess it’s based on your skin-type, your hair color and your body type. 

I always thought I could wear most any color.  I was WOEFULLY wrong.

Even though this was a million years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.  The woman, my Colourist (“yes, with a ‘u'”), said I was a “harsh winter.”  Your colors are likened to the four seasons.  Some people look good in pastels or lighter colors … they are considered “spring”.  Other folks look good in darker, ruddy earth tones.  They are obviously “fall”.  Yours truly only looks good in bright primary colors.  Solid colors, mind you.  No patterns and no mixing and matching of shades.  God forbid.  “Here is the standard box of Crayola crayons,” said my Colourist.  “There are eight crayons in here.  Never deviate from the colors in this box.”  She said it with so much foreboding I thought she was going to add “… or you will DIE!” afterwards.

She then leaned in and said, “My dear, you’re not just a winter.  You’re a HARSH winter.  You have little to no skin tone.  Wear anything other than bright colors or you will look … dead.”  She then proceeded to yank the yellow crayon out of the box.  “On second thought, you should never wear yellow either.  You’ll look like you have jaundice.”

Before getting my colors done, I was always attracted to primary colors.  Mostly blue.  Now I wear “electric blue”, “shocking blue” or “neon blue”, less I upset the balance of the universe.

Last week, I unveiled new fall looks during my “What The Chic” segment.  (Watch the segment by clicking on the link:  http://www.kctv5.com/local-video/index.html?grabnetworks={videoid:4328150})  I loved what I was wearing in the piece, but kept thinking back to what my colorist once said.  “And, Michael, listen to me … never, ever, ever wear any sort of fall color.  With your ruddy complexion you’ll look like a burnt umber crayon … or a Cheese Doodle!”

Why everything revolved around Crayons, I’ll never know.  Sorry Seafoam Green and Soft Lilac … you’re far too advanced for me.  I gotta stick with Red Apple or Green Clover.  Or else.