Quick, hide the children.  AND the adults.  It’s been a wild week in the world of reality TV personalities.  First up, fame-whoring couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are officially calling off their pending divorce.  Their demise had been splashed all over the tabloids recently.  Spencer said he was releasing a sex tape of Heidi.  Heidi said she was releasing a 2^nd studio album.  They both said they wanted an immediate break.  And then BLAMMO, they’re caught canoodling in Nicaragua by a stealth band of paparazzi.

Who in the hell goes to Nicaragua to reconcile?  Or Guam?  Or the Lesser Antilles?  Oh wait, these two assholes.  (Yeah, I said it.)

Now that Team Speidi is back together, I must applaud them.  Not for keeping their marriage vows sacred, but for once again tricking America into believing their latest publicity stunt.  How do we keep falling for it?  We’re not naïve.  We’re not stupid.  And, yet, we’re sucked in.  Every.  Single.  Time.

If Heidi and Spencer were lemmings, America would have plunged over a cliff by now.

In other news, media-maven Snooki is writing a book.  With words and everything.  Unlike Speidi, Snooki is beloved.  She can do no wrong.  She is our Guru to all things Guido.  Every antic makes her just that much more endeared to America.  Plus, she’s filled with such pithy quotes as, “I’m not kissing you because you have throw-up breath” or “I think my crotch is sticking out.”  (If I had a nickel for every time I’d said both those things … I’d be RICH!)

Turns out Snooki’s book-y is going to be a NOVEL, not an autobiography.  It’s called A Shore Thing and it’s about a woman finding love on the boardwalk of the Jersey shores.  Wait?  What?  I had twelve copies pre-ordered on Amazon.com until I found that out.  I wanted to hear about the life and times of the poufed, pint-sized pipsqueak.  If I wanted to read a REAL book, I’d wait until Spencer Pratt wrote something.  He seems WAY more profound.